Congrats Blog Oscar Extravaganza!

Hello, my pets and welcome to CB's Oscar Extravaganza. While I won't be "live blogging," I'll be keeping track of the twists and turns that Oscar brings and giving you a running tally of what's happening as the thoughts come to me. I'm at my friend Bug's house, where I have the lovely Angel acting as my wingman at the annual Snarkademy Awards. Drinks will be flowing, and the snarky comments will be flying, so grab a glass of champagne, sit back and enjoy the show.

We're at pre-show red carpet now.

Bug just commented that Regis comes up to George Clooney's nipples. Is he standing on a box? George's girlfriend, Sarah Larson has to be the luckiest girl in the world. Las Vegas cocktail waitresses everywhere -- look your best -- you never know.

Again...why, why, why is Miley Cyrus an Oscar presenter? I mean, she's adorable and talented, but...why? Oh right, Disney owns ABC, ABC is hosting the Oscars...I swear, I'm not a cynic.

Helen Mirren...you look beautiful. Cameron Diaz, stop talking. Ellen Page, you crazy cute pixie...are you tired of people asking if you celebrated your 21st birthday? She's not going to be the next Lindsay Lohan, E! Red Carpet Team. Move on. Are there no more stars? Why are we going to Bill Conti, the man behind the Oscar orchestra?

Ok, Reege, Dancing with the Starts host and random entertainment reporter, enough of you...on with the show! Good luck, Jon Stewart -- you and the writers had about a week and a half to get your best jokes together. Let's hope you had Bruce Villanch on your team.

Heh.

-- On Javier Barden's performance which captures: "Hannibal Lecter's murderousness with Dorothy Hamill's wedge cut."
-- "Diablo Cody was once an exotic dancer and now is an Oscar-nominated screenwriter (for Juno). I hope you're enjoying the pay cut."

Not bad, writers. The strike did ya good.

The first congratulations of the night goes to...Alexandra Byrne for Elizabeth, the Golden Age. The next one goes to the ladies and the gay men in the house for getting to see George Clooney so soon in the show...sigh.

Ratatouille wins. Katherine Heigl is really nervous announcing the makeup category, poor thing. La Vie en Rose wins.

If it's OK with you, I'm going to dispense with the "lesser" Oscars now, no offense to the recipients. First acting award! Previous winners reel, lots of white people, Cuba Gooding, Junior who won for Jerry Maguire and went on to such honorable roles in...Daddy Day Camp.

Congrats, Javier Bardem. You were a scary-ass bastard in No Country for Old Men.

Bug thinks Keri Russell looks like Nancy Reagan and has arm pits that look like a woman's reproductive parts. We've had a few drinks at this point, and think everything we say is hilarious.

Aw, Owen Wilson. We're glad you're still with us, buddy. We can't wait for Wedding Crashers 2.

Supporting Actress. Tight race, but the Brits are the favorites. Which one will it be? Ruby Dee seems very impressed. With herself. Tilda Swinton wins it. The Chronic...What?!?..cles of Naria!

Best Adapted Screenplay goes to No Country for Old Men. Well-deserved.

Academy teaches us the ins and outs of the ballot process. Fascinating.

Working on the Bourne Ultimatum is a sound mixer's / editor's dream!

Best Actress! Cate Blanchett looks terrified by her own performance as Elizabeth I. I love all these actresses so much. Big Upset! Marion Cotillard wins as Edith Pilaf in La Vie en Rose. Good one, Bex and Mom...this was the big shocker of the night. Way to have your finger on the pulse.

Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová perform "Falling Slowly" from Once. They win the award. This is the most moving film of the year. If you haven't seen it...move it up to the top of your Netflix queue now.

In memoriam reel. Still breaks my heart to see Heath Ledger. Breaks. my. heart.

Original screenplay: Diablo Cody for Juno. No surprises there. Ellen Page got the double hand grab from Diablo on her way to the podium and passed right by Jennifer Garner who was eagerly on the edge of her seat waiting for her "good actor" treat from Diablo. Denied!

Lead actor. Again, Helen Mirren is freakin' gorgeous. Daniel Day Lewis wins. He kneels in front of the Queen, and she dubs him Sir Acts-a-lot.

Directing: Joel and Ethan Coen. There's Frannie, Joel's wife. These people should make a movie every week.

And the big one -- picture: No Country for Old Men.

Well, that does it, darlings. Oscar was predictable, down to the 1-2 shockers of the evening and at least one awful song of the in the mix. Thanks, Bug, for the terrific soiree. See you at the after parties...